So long Wordpress…

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The domain is about to lapse and I don’t have energy to work on maintaining this. I’ll get back into writing and musing, but an extended break is in order. Enjoy the fall months ahead and perhaps I’ll see you in the new year, strangers. It’s been real.

-Em

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5 Things I’ve Learned About Life (This Year)

5 Things I’ve Learned About Life (This Year)

1. You truly are stronger than you think you are. You’ve survived every seemingly unsurvivable moment so far…that makes you some kind of badass in my book.
2. You are your own best advocate. Stand up for yourself! And rest when it’s hard.
3. Some battles just aren’t worth it. Some minds cannot be changed. And the emotional toll to try anyways just doesn’t always make it worth while.
4. Your friends love you more than you think they do. They’re you’re greatest support.
5. The world needs you to show up tomorrow.

I didn’t mean to. But it’s becoming a habit. Tired and relaxing after work… I lay my head on my boyfriend’s chest, cuddled close. His arms were wrapped around me as he continued to play at his video game. Periodically I felt him lean down and kiss my forehead. And I swear, it’s my most favorite spot to be in forever. I feel so comforted and safe…my brain drifts off to a light doze.

-excited for the rest of life now too.

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Summer Update.

Alright folks, it’s the second week of July! The good news…I will finally be transitioning into a Monday-Friday 8a-4:30p weekly schedule. The bad news…I’m going to have four weeks of straight second shifts first. :/

I am super excited for the new schedule! Meanwhile I’ll be hoping July goes by fast.

I don’t mind summer much. It’s not really my favorite. I quite like the fall months, culminating with the holiday season more.

Back to work tomorrow after a nice long 4 day weekend. Nothing too exciting…mostly just rejoicing in doing nothing and not having to hold and absorb others trauma history (work had been bogging me down recently).

Spend my evenings with knitting and Keith and it’s pretty spectacular. Daydreaming about the future. I tossed out the idea for a future girl dog named Scout. I adore that idea, actually.

But, for now my sleep schedule remains wacky…but good things are ahead in August. Just you wait…

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-Em

 

No Means No

Yesterday was Sunday. And I got up early and started a line outside of a tattoo parlour with some good friends, waiting for the No Means No flash tattoo event. And after waiting 4 hours  in the bright sun, we were the first to get tattoos for the day!

The proceeds of the event went to support my own work; the designs and art were inspired by female empowerment and “no means no.”

And I had decided it was a perfect time to get my first tattoo.

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On my forearm, still super fresh, pardon the redness!

The 15 year old me, who stood up to an old man when I heard him make sexist jokes to our female tour guide, would think this was PRETTY cool.

Already excited about getting other tattoos I’ve been dreaming of.

X

-Em

 

What doesn’t kill us…

Life is a beautiful gift.

To you, that statement could go a few different directions. Some of us may imagine a man with a long white beard up in the clouds carefully assembling our being and nudging us into existence.

To me, that statement reflects on the thousands of years happenstance, coincidence, love, hate and every feeling between that led to my existence. I’ve always been a romantic. And thus I feel a warm sense of happiness imagining the great love stories of old that may or may not have happened, which, when placed on a linear family tree, led to me getting to be here, doing my thing.

What is my thing? I don’t believe in divine purpose. However, for whatever reason, some of us are just GOOD at certain things. Now, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t be GOOD at other things as well, if we tried. I do think it definitely is human nature to find our “niche.”

I think one of the most important niches some of us choose to be in is: the Helpers. I believe that is my thing.

Of course, this is not a black and white niche; the grey area is huge. The main point, if you fall into this niche of humankind…well…you help people. Whether how big or small you take that on, you still put the well-being of others at the forefront of your own life.

For me, being here in this moment writing this post, a lot of personal growth has occurred in my adult life. And holy shit, for the most part I like who I am. By no means am I without flaws: I am not perfect. But, I am proud to be who I am, where I am, doing what I do. I am proud that my story is not over.

I’m not sure if we have a purpose. Or if we are just specimens on a petri dish called earth, here for only a moment. But, I do know, if we have the opportunities and capabilities of being GOOD and doing GOOD things and making life a bit better for those around us, then why the hell not jump on those opportunities? And even when funds are short, some kindness and acknowledgment to our fellow humans costs next to nothing.

I suppose this is just rambling post, some food for thought.

Keep your head up.

-Em

 

 

 

“since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things”

Well hello there, ol’ stranger.

I feel like the latter half of my 20s has taken a complete 180 from the first half. I feel surrounded by my people, loved and supported. Staunchly independent. And just overall more in control of everything from feelings, thoughts, to the day to day things.

Laying down, listening to him nerd out, I pause the conversation with my fullest, heartfelt feeling of “I love you.”  Not a drunk “I love you;” or in the middle of sex “I love you,” but a here, in this regular moment, with you “I love you.”

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So much love. I should write about it more.

-Em

Alright. Let’s be real. An abbreviated tale.

This is me:

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Do you see how happy I look? I’m pretty happy there. But it hasn’t always been this way. 2017, for whatever reason, was both a hard year and a blessed year.

Blessed because I made a wonderful group of friends who I can easily say I love with all my heart, these two girls in particular

 

But, also a hard year because I spent the majority of it in a deep depression. I recently reread my journals and the mental place I was in was dark. Really dark. I wanted to die, to be frank with you. I won’t elaborate more on that at this time.

I can’t pin point what has clicked in my brain. But instead of the pain, I now feel warmth. I have a full heart. And I have, for the first time in a long time, not only hope for the future but the ability to plan out dreams to make them reality.

You never know what the face of depression may look like. Please be kind to folks. Please makes friends with the people like how I used to be: people who come off as stand-offish, or grumpy or unreadable. It may be a front covering pain and rock-bottom self-esteem. And trust me, people like that, like me, we need your kindness and friendship more than you could ever know.

My friends have reminded me of the funny, loving, beautiful girl inside of me that I hadn’t seen in a long, long while. They reminded me of how much value I have…cause they need me too.

So this is me, earlier this afternoon:

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Excited for a tiny cactus. Excited for the rest of my future.

Thanks for being on this journey with me.

Love,

Em